This world of blogging is so very important to me. It's a funny thing, but I sometimes feel that the connections I have through the blogs I read, through sharing my work on my blog, and even places like etsy are stronger than the ones I have around me in the "real" world (apart, of course, from my family). I feel part of a community in a way that I never really feel in this town that I live in. I love the exchange of ideas, the inspiration, the beauty. In that universe I feel like I belong; that I can be me.
Today I had a doctor's appointment. [Long and convoluted story about health insurance and doctors and clinics excluded.] I was told that in order to have the last piece of treatment that I need to wipe out any possible remaining cancer cells in my throat, I have to go off my thyroid medication for a month (!!!! over Christmas!!!!). The doctor said, "starting tomorrow." I looked at him in horror and I had to try and explain that I couldn't possibly do that until after the craft fair. (The craft fair which has become my whole focus over the last few weeks, which has had me waking up with new ideas I've had in my dreams, which has made me feel alive with potential, which seems such a huge and wonderfully big thing to me.) The blank looks (I had 2 doctors and 6 residents in the room) I got in return was probably close to the one that I get when Matt starts trying to explain to me what it is that he does for work (it has to do with law and finance and ....yep, that's about the extent of what I understand). And I suddenly felt so small and that this big important thing to me was really such a small and frivolous thing. I felt like I was in another universe, one where no one could ever begin to understand who I was and what I did and what made me tick. And yet, I can't imagine living in a world where people didn't make beautiful things. Maybe if I'd said I had a deadline designing something for some big company I would have got a different response??? Or I had an art exhibition opening (which is actually kinda, sorta how I view it)??? I don't know. Why is the word "craft" such a dirty one?
So, anyway, I only have a few days of feeling reasonably good before going off my medication. SIGH. I was never a sick person, and I do so hate being reminded that I am one now. Having 6 residents feeling your throat is a good way to make you feel like a specimen- and also being asked if the residents could come in as the doctor thought my case was very interesting.